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Gone Fishin’

Posted by staffwriters on August 31, 2009

Esham Aluzé

It’s a wonderful day outside, so I thought, “Hey, why don’t I lug my laptop into the backyard and tan while I type.” As it turns out this idea is as bad as naming Chris Brown the next Bachelor on ABC. 

A June bug jus* landed on my keyboard, on a specific le**er and I am *oo afraid of i* to do any*hing. I *hink June bugs have a clock *ha* rings a* midnigh* during *he firs* of June, because *hey are *he mos* punc*ual bug in the world. May 31s*, no June Bugs. June 1s*, a million of *hem. 

Okay, now that it’s gone, I can finally use my “T” key again instead of that ridiculous asterisk.  Thank God summer’s almost over.
 
I think that fishing skills and Internet skills are mutually exclusive. See, I went fishing for the first time in my life the other day and caught a grand total of zero fishies.
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So as soon as I got home I Googled “how do I catch fishies?” after Google rudely corrected my sentence- Did you mean: How do I catch fish? – I made some fishing inroads.  I found some articles that used typical fishing lexicon, which was Greek to me. So I tried to YouTube some fish videos and found the sorriest lot of self-help videos in existence. Half of them were ads enticing me to buy the actual videos and the others were filmed in 1985 and had the graininess of a Paris Hilton video. 

I have come to the conclusion that good fishermen are not very computer savvy. There, I said it.  So I asked a close Red friend to train me (because all red-heads can fish…all of them), and he obliged.  We worked on my wrist dexterity to increase casting distance and bicep exercises so I can reel in all the dolphins and manatees I plan on catching.  I was drinking the official The Method drink, Red Bull, and as my Red trainer offered me some smokeless tobacco I made another landmark discovery.   

Specifically, dipping and drinking Red Bull at the same time is not amazing. In fact, it is the opposite of amazing.  You’re up and down but never in the middle.  It’s like riding a roller coaster underground.  I had no idea what anguish I had unleashed upon my body by this newly formed axis of evil, Kodiak and Red Bull.  Heed my warning, friends, and avoid this deadly combination.  I feel like Dr. Wilbrand (Google him) warning the world about TNT. (Not the television channel, although that too should probably come with some kind of warning. Caution: Law and Order is on all the time.)

In due time I will be starring on the Bass Fisherman’s Tour, catching and eating the most succulent trout (that’s a fish, right?) anyone has ever laid eyes on.  But until then; don’t mix Red Bull and Kodiak; and watch out for June bugs.

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Open Mike Night- Living the Good Life At the H Hotel

Posted by mikebudziakowski on July 19, 2009

Mike Budziakowski

Coming to Midland as a Canadian export, there were a number of lifestyle changes I needed to make to adapt to my now beloved small-town American way of life. And no, those changes didn’t involve moving from an igloo to a dorm room or trading in my huskies for a Volkswagon Golf, which seem to be recurring misconceptions.  In fact, it was the complete opposite.  Coming from Toronto, one of Canada’s largest metropolitan centers, I showed up to Midland and was at once humbled by its quaint and intimate atmosphere.  I fell in love immediately.  Midland is the Juliet to my Romeo, sans the tragic ending.  I hope. 

But as a city boy I will always have a place in my heart for the lavish excesses that only a big city can offer.  Even the crisp smell of polluted air brings a tear to my eyes—both because of my love for it and the fact that it burns a little.  But I soon found that Midland has some big-city characteristics hidden behind its small-town charm.  It’s little wonder, then, what with the opening of the new H Hotel, here in Midland, I packed up a weekend’s worth of clean clothes and checked into suite 302. Surely as a writer assigned to enlighten my readers with the newest and best that Midland has to offer it was my responsibility—nay, my duty—as lifestyle columnist to deliver you my unbiased account.  Before we move on I would like to thank Northwood University for picking up the tab. They are not aware of it yet, but the bill is in the mail.

Part of the Dolce family of hotels and resorts, the H, located at 111 West Main Street, offers all the luxuries that you would expect from any upscale hotel chain.  Boasting an indoor lap pool & whirlpool, a fitness center, two massage rooms, nearby fitness trails, and tennis and golf facilities, the H undoubtedly has given Midland something to talk about. The rooms were immaculate, and the detailed and opulent furniture was of considerable quality. Having stayed at various hotel chains during my travels through both Europe and North America I was astonished at the quality and comfort that this hotel offered.

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Certainly my experience was not limited to my room, and a proper stay would not have been complete without a stop at the lobby bar after a taste of what H’s premier restaurant, The Table, had to offer.  Five Diamond and Four Star-certified, Chef Anthony Demes leads a team of culinary professionals who have contributed to The Table’s well-deserved reputation.  Now, at the risk of ruining an otherwise flawless critique, I have to concede that the Salmon was a little on the dry side and tasted of freshly woven sneakers.  However, whatever disparagement that may have arisen from dinner was soon forgotten as I sat at the lobby bar and treated myself to a beer.  Rather, I treated myself to a few beers (surprised?) and was astonished at the selection and variety that the H had to offer.  From common domestics to unusual and rare imports, the selection was reminiscent of my travels to the Bier Gartens of Prague.  Ah, Prague… Remind me to regale you with my tale of a night spent aboard a buoy on the River Vltava with a woman named Oksana, where we debated the dynastic origins of the House of Hapsburg while heavy bass-beats from the Karlovy Lane Dance Club misted low across the water like the fading voice of some forgotten inamorata. But I digress…

Club l enthusiast or not, this bar offers an incredible selection for all beer drinkers.  Of course, if your tastes lie in the realm of wine or spirits you will have little trouble quenching whatever thirst you may have, as the H boasts an incredible variety of wine in a large, climate-controlled wine cellar.  The night ended (slightly hazily) in perhaps the most comfortable bed I have yet to sleep in.   Luxurious feather bedding and down blankets and pillows truly accentuate the comfort for which the Dolce Hotel group is renowned for.  It is without reservation that I highly recommend the H; even for one night to unwind and kick back. Its ideal location, big-city amenities, and small-town charm make it a place everyone should visit.

I look forward to my return….but in the meantime I have a homework assignment for you—do Madonna’s children have last names? 

Until next time, wink.

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Softball Tonight

Posted by lukekrombach on July 19, 2009

Luke Krombach

We are well on our way into the second half of the softball season, and on cue the drama ratchets up with the impending district tournament. With two completed games since our last Softball Tonight article we have a lot of highlights…and lowlights to cover. 

Game 1 had The DeVos softball team striving to improve their record to one game above .500 but fell short in the waning moments. Tempers flared as the team faced an insurmountable deficit at the hands of errors and poor play. Although no players completely lost their wits there was a brief scuffle in the dugout between level headed Canadian, Keilan McInnis, and the teams pretty boy Chad Dixon. The two quickly kissed and made up – but the damage was already done.  The team fell to a record of 5-4.

Game 2 ended with a much more favorable result- A Win.  Devos topped BRI-CAR by way of Chad Dixon’s impressive inside the park grand slam; after an embarrassing swinging strikeout.  Chad Dixon went from feeling the lowest of the low to being on top of the world.  He struck out swinging, and replaced Muaz as the team’s walking punch line, and sent the entire team into a laughing fit.  But Chad Dixon gained revenge quickly.  He sent the ball towering out to left center field and cleared the bases; creating the rare and impressive grand slam.  The team is now sitting at an impressive 5-5.  To keep you satiated until the next game here are some fast facts from the fortnight that was. 

Fast Facts

  • Jeff Nowaczyk has 5 inside the park homeruns for the season and the 1st grand slam
  • Chad Dixon was the 2nd player to hit a grand slam.
  • Ryan Puchel’s 1st hit past the pitcher’s mound was in the 10th game of the season. His batting and on-base percentages have been stellar – even though he has no discernable muscle definition. 
  • Antoine Carr received his 1st start coming off the DL – just don’t tell Northwood’s Coach Sullivan.
  • Pat Swanton has been one of team’s most consistent players, as trade rumors grew to distraction level.  His yearning to play for his hometown softball team, The Beaverton Skoals, has become an issue for team leader Jeff Nowaczyck.
  • Super-sub, and British transplant, Steve Everett has been fined by the league for his uniform violation.  His preponderance for insanely tight shorts has cost him a week’s pay. 
  • Wily veteran pitcher Jordan Summers impressed future MLB scout Jeff Nowaczyk with a Randy Johnson-esque 7 strikeouts. 
  • The team also lost a key role player in Justin Pasdach. How he injured himself in a softball game is unknown; but the trainer thinks it’s due to off the field antics.
  • Mike Budziakowski the highly hyped Canadian sensation has recently experienced a quiet period with his bat. He has handled all the pressure of his early season success as well as Michael Jackson handled sleeping pills.

Posted in Social Life, Sports | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

A Brit’s exposure to Independence Day

Posted by staffwriters on July 19, 2009

Steven Everett

As the historic 4th of July passes for another year, Northwood University postgraduate student Steven Everett reflects on his stereotypical American experience.      

English-born Everett was aware of the camaraderie and patriotism shown from the American citizens, but was somewhat unsure of the experience he was going to gain himself.

The student decided to test his reactions and fully utilize his experience by enduring a camping trip in Omer, Michigan with five native Michiganders and one Illinoisaniaiaian.

As Everett began to take the trip up north through the country roads, reality and anxiety began to sink in: he was British, in the woods with patriotic Americas, and it was the 4th of July.  He began to pray to Gordon Brown while images of David Beckham danced in his head. 

Everett was quoted: “I am looking forward to seeing what you Yanks have to offer, but at the same time, as a British citizen, I am concerned of the awkwardness of celebrating a historical event which a patriotic English born citizen would perceive as unfavorable.”

Everett added: “Why would I celebrate an event in which the Americans declared independence from us?”

Everett further added: “It may turn out fine, the day in history occurred over 200 years ago.”

After Everett commented and questioned his commitment to his Independence Day experiences, he managed to push the uncertainties to the back of his mind and concentrate on the weekends’ happenings.

As the graduate gang arrived at their destination, Everett’s inexperience prevailed as the Americans took full control of campsite “setting up” procedures.

Everett seemed confused and somewhat useless to help with these procedures; however, he seemed to break the ice with the utilization of his initiative.  The Englishman helped his colleagues by repeatedly collecting wood for the fire to combat the cold nights.  He also regaled them with wonderful tales of his adventures at Hogwarts. 

Everett’s expressions showed he was settling in to his new environment—more so when the first beer was cracked open – something he was much more accustomed to.

As Independence Day eve was coming to a close, night fell with a strong, cool air. Everett became more concerned with his sleeping conditions instead of his original fear—waking up tied to a tree while jubilant Americans fired bottle rockets at his gaunt British frame. 

He was quoted: “It is going to be bloody freezing in that tent”.

As the morning sun rose, Everett was woken by his friend’s excitement for the Independence Day activity, in the form of canoeing.  Ah, is there anything more American than floating down a shallow river, in a rented canoe, while drinking cheap beer, and singing Bon Jovi hits?  No!

Independence Day did, however, present some points of contention between the campers.

Everett was quoted: “I am sorry but I cannot say Happy Independence Day to you; it is just not the right gesture.”

He added: “I feel as though I have an overhaul of demons above my head cursing my interaction with American celebrations.” 

While Steve sat in fear that his U.K. citizenship was being rescinded, the rest of the team prepared for the day’s activity.

During the canoe trip, Steven seemed to be extremely enthusiastic as to what wildlife he would see on his travels and how fast he and his partner could canoe back down the river towards their destination.

He was quoted on numerous occasions: “We need to see a turtle; we do not get any type of turtles in the wild of England, other than Camilla Parker Boyle.”  That’s a hilarious British joke for all my internationally educated readers. 

These distractions forced Everett to forget the fact he was celebrating Independence Day.

Everett and his Illinoisan partner were experiencing life in a canoe for the first time; this was evident in the early stages with their confusion of direction.  However after their ‘country’ colleagues were relaxing and soaking up the atmosphere, both Everett and his canoe partner decided enough was enough, and off they went.

Everett recalls: “We experienced the relaxing style and the full throttle workout that went with canoeing. What a day.”

As Everett and his Illinoisan colleague returned back to camp, the two decided to get to work and cut up some wood for the night’s fire.

With three hours passing the final pair returned to camp, looking exhausted and hungry. It was not too long before the food was cooking and the group was reflecting on the day’s activity.

It was at this stage, that Everett realized something that he never thought would come to fruition. 

He was quoted: “I have had a great couple of days and encountered experiences with people in a setting which I may never get the opportunity to do again. Why should I feel guilty—although it does feel kind of weird? I should reverse the situation and consider how good the Americans have been to me in accepting my nationality and involving me in their celebrations. My persona has totally changed.” 

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After Everett participated in a firework celebration with the rest of his American colleagues, the English-born citizen felt accomplished.  He proceeded to extol the virtues of the beautiful American culture while break dancing in the flickering fire-lit camp site.

Everett woke up the following morning, exerting the same excitement and pleasure that the Americans did in the wake of Independence Day. 

As the group of individuals listened to country music and drove down country roads, Everett revealed how his Michigan Independence Day experience allowed him to feel accepted in an environment that had the potential to make an English man feel very uncomfortable.  He may never appreciate Michigan staples like Kid Rock or the Red Wings, but his Independence Day 2009 experience will always have a special place in his heart.

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Open Mike Night

Posted by mikebudziakowski on July 5, 2009

Mike Budziakowski

I know what you’re thinking.  For the record, no, I am not attempting to change my direction in life and become a columnist—nor a writer or blogger, for that matter. Instead I’m grasping the opportunity to break away from the mold and exercise, even if for a limited amount of time, both sides of my brain. 

For the past ten months, I’ve had to endure the monotonous daily grind as an MBA candidate.  I’m not saying that it hasn’t been worth the $50,000 to receive a sheet of paper that bestows credibility to my personal set of self-proclaimed skills.  Actually, in that respect it has.  I’ve been auspiciously exposed to a wide array of interesting characters, cultures, and backgrounds.  For this reason I wanted to express my gratitude by writing the lifestyle section of this newspaper.

I don’t want to come off as pompous, but on a bi-weekly basis I will be your voice in today’s fashion, entertainment, and a guide in self-expression.  With limited experience, I will attempt to utilize my personal intuition to recreate and describe my encounters and observations around our joyful little town of Midland.  With a population of just over 41,000, Midland provides many cultural opportunities in fields ranging from music and theatre to science and the arts. Stop laughing—it really does.  With big heavyweights like Dow Chemical and Dow Corning calling Midland home, it’s no wonder that this town has transformed into one of the most desired living locations in Michigan. Stop laughing—I’m serious.

I’m going to dip myself into the local cuisines, eateries, and social festivals and events so that I may truly experience everything that there is to offer in this community and its beautiful surroundings.  I will look into the latest fashion trends and faux pas so that all my readers will have the opportunity to get a straight guy’s *cough, cough* point of view.  Probably not a good idea to go shopping immediately after reading my articles; you may get a cramp. Let it sink in before taking my advice. Not all of us can pull off capris. 

Let me be your petri dish. I want to leave this town pregnant with all the joys and wonders it has to offer.  Before I master business I will master Midland, and you will be taken for a ride only Keanu Reeves can appreciate. Buckle up; its open Mike night. Until next time, wink.

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